Sunday, July 18, 2004

MORE ON MARTHA.  You know, if Martha Stewart would report to prison this week, she could be out by Christmas.  I'm thinking a new television show or video.  They could start with film of her leaving her home and driving off to jail.  They could play "I'll Be Home For Christmas". I first thought of Three Dog Night's "Liar", but that might not sell.
Then, they could pick it up when she gets out.  Friends could pick her up in a van decorated for Christmas.  Before she goes, she could make some flavored drink that needed to age exactly 5 months.  They could bring it with them and drink it on the way home.  She could hold it up to the camera and say "Rasberry Gin.  Aged exactly five months.  It's a good thing." 
She could go in the van wearing her khaki jail outfit, but step out at home in red taffeta for the season.  Then she could go in the house, lovingly decorated by friends and staff from the magazine, and have a big Christmas party.
They could invite lots of famous people who have been to jail.  James Brown, who is a regular, could come and sing and dance.  Glen Campbell could sing the old George Jones song "I'm Home Drunk Again".
Marc Rich could come back from Switzerland, since Denise paid all that money to the Clintons and got the pardon done.  Nelson Mandella might even come and sip some wine and eat some canapes and talk about the oppression of white women in Connecticut. 
All of this would be on film and shown as a Christmas special.  At the end, she could wrap a package of goodies and send it to the prosecution team with a nice note. Then she could look at the cameral and tell how her life had been enriched, and so on.  I like it!  We could call it the "Martha Stewart, Fresh From The Slammer" special.
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