Wednesday, August 24, 2005

I spent the last 3 days moving children into and out of college living accommodations. First, I had to rent a U-Haul truck. This is hard when every other parent in Texas is doing the same thing. It is also hard when the Little Woman calls the company to complain because they could not get the truck on time and so the company treats that as a cancellation. My diplomatic skills were severely tested. Of course, they do not realize that, when I am being so polite and conciliatory, I am trying to decide if it would be easier to shoot up the place with the guns I have in the trunk and just take the truck by force.

Fortunately for them, I decided the shooting spree would be only a short term satisfaction and not look good on my resume.

After finally getting the truck, I had to load up a lot of stuff at my mother’s house to take to my house and to take to the College Daughter. Then, I had to go to my house and get some stuff to take to the College Daughter’s apartment, unload some stuff from my mother’s house, and generally get heat exhaustion. It was 100 degrees outside, and hotter in the truck.

Then, I drove to College Station and parked the U-Haul truck at the hotel, took the Little Woman’s SUV to the campus and unloaded it into the Baby’s room.

That reminds me. Now that the Baby and the College Daughter are both in college, I might have to rename them for accuracy. If you think of any names, leave them in the comments. Yes, I already thought of “Poverty Inducer” and “Parent Abandoner”.

After unloading the Baby, we unloaded the truck into the College Daughter’s apartment, somewhat to the horror of her roommate. Can you image seeing 4 people make 10 trips into your house carrying and leaving stuff? Thanks to the boys for helping us, by the way. It is the only reason I am alive today. Then we went to her old house and got more stuff into the truck and took it to the new house and unloaded it again. It was 107 degrees.

Then, someone pointed out to me that there were French words on the truck. Imagine my horror. I was glad I was wearing sunglasses. I hope no one recognized me. It turns out that the truck was from Canada, which I call “Baby France”. I wore a disguise when I turned in the truck. I dressed up like Margaret Thatcher. No one seemed to notice.

So, now I am back and catching up on the news.

Did you know the Army is exceeding both its re-enlistment and first time enlistment goals in the middle of a war.? This is a story you will not read in the paper. I don’t think anyone really reads the paper anymore. If they do, they do not believe what they read.

Also, do you notice no one in the papers has mentioned that Cindy Sheehan’s son joined the Army voluntarily? He was not drafted or kidnapped by white slavers. He joined. He served. He died honorably. Now his mother diminishes the honor of his death by her tacky protest outside the President’s ranch. It is further diminished by the rag tag group of ex-hippies that have joined her. Now Joan Baez is there. She woke up after 30 years and heard someone was protesting the war, so she went there.

I have this image of her sitting on a stump playing and singing “Michael Row the Boat Ashore” with a bunch of other old burn outs from the '60s. Then, the presidential motorcade drives by and coats them all in Texas dust while the President goes and eats BBQ. They keep singing. No one cares.

Think you have it bad at the pump? Well, you do. I had to fill up the U-Haul truck and it cost me more than I used to make in a week. They have a trick tank. It keeps taking gasoline even after the gage registers full. So you put in more than you have to. But, in China’s Guangdong province, they have it really bad. They are guarding the gas stations with troops and refusing to fill up any but the government vehicles. I sent a note to Cindy Sheehan suggesting she go there and protest. And take Joan Baez.

Meanwhile, the European Union has banned further sales of clothing from China. This is not because of the gas shortage, but because of the EU quota system. That has lead to a fear that there will be a shortage of bras in Europe.

Pat Robertson is also showing a lack of restraint, calling for the assassination of Hugo Chavez, the President of Venezuela. Maybe we could make a deal to take them both out. Robertson seems to feel it is his calling to embarrass Christians at every possible turn, making outlandish statements in order to get attention. Chavez does that to Venezuelans too, so you would think they would get along famously. But, no, they are in competition for air time, so it has not worked out. It is even worse than Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt. Rumor has it they (Robertson and Chavez, not Anniston and Pitt) will appear together on the Dr. Phil show and he will solve the whole thing in between commercials. Maybe he could help the Chinese with that gas thing also.

I think Dr. Phil has also been to Iraq and met with the constitution commission. It has now drawn a constitution to submit to its assembly. Hopefully, they will not be like the United States Supreme Court and just ignore it.
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