HE'S OUT!! Aristide is out as Haiti's leader and the Marines are in. Is there a script available on the Internet or from Literary Guild you can order about how to act like you aren't going to run like a cat on fire when the opposition closes in? They all do this. It goes like this. Today's news story is, the opposition in Banana Republic A has started an insurrection. The country's leader, Petty Despot, says the government is in control of the country and the rebels will be squashed like the huge cockroaches in the embassy. Next story: Rebels have surrounded the capital city and Rebel Leader says they will kill all government lackeys and their families and put Petty Despot's head on a spike. But only after a fair (-ly short) trial. Petty Despot, interviewed from behind closed doors where he was shaking out his shorts, said he will remain in power and calls on the international community for support.

Third story - Petty Despot was last seen running at full speed for the helicopter with a suitcase full of cash. Rebel Leader promises elections in the next millenia and calls on the international community for support. (He also asks reporters if they happened to see a blue suitcase sitting around).

Last Story - Rebel Leader changes name to Petty Despot. Calls on International Community for support. Former Petty Despot now living in France with the rest of them, where they can be see lunching at the Ex Petty Despot club.