JOHN KERRY, LOW RIDER. It is interesting that John Kerry has both fallen in the polls and low in cash. He should be riding high after all the publicity of the primaries and all the other candidates bowing out in his favor. But he is riding low instead. Maybe people did not like him taking off to go snowboarding. I did not even know grown men could go snowboarding. I thought it was only for kids in baggy pants. Or, maybe it is a hard sell that someone with a filthy rich wife (filthy modifies rich not wife) could really be in tune with their needs. Or maybe it is because he really does look like Herman Munster.

At any rate, it is too early to decide America thinks he is a loser and will not vote for him. Just because I do.

So, what's a poor little rich kid to do when he comes back from vacation and finds himself slipping in the polls and running out of cash? I suggest calling Al Gore and getting the names of those Buddist monks. He could hit them up for more foreign money. Sure, he would eventually have to give it back since it is illegal, but it might tide him over. Or, he could go to Hollywood for a fundraiser. That always worked for Clinton. Kerry does not seem as fun a guy as Clinton, but it might work since many in Hollywood foam at the mouth just thinking that we have a conservative, God fearing, President who will actually fight for what he believes and does not sleep with the help. Kerry's slogan could be "sure, I'm not much, but I'm not George". I bet Alec Baldwin would contribute, if he has any left after fighting with Kim Basinger over custody of the kids.

Of course, how smart could Alec be if he let Kim Basinger get away. Because he had a really good deal going. He's a little fat, and not a real good actor, but he could say, sure all that is true, but I'm married to Kim Basinger, and you're not. I mean, that is what I do. I think, sure I'm short and I work for the government, and I have a smart mouth, but I'm married to the Little Woman. Na na na.

Speaking of the Little Woman, have you seen her lately? She really is the Little Woman. She lost like 25 pounds. Yesterday I walked right by her in the living room and did not even see her. She is that small. And if that wasn't enough, she is now working out. At the gym. She has never done that. I'm not sure what this is all about. Is it a birthday crisis? Is it an excuse to get a new wardrobe? Has Alec Baldwin called? (He's not that smart honey, don't take his call.)

But, she is not so small that she would vote for John Kerry. Or give him money.

Na na na.