BODY TALK. Here is my favorite line from a news story today: "Most of this illicit trade in body parts is done by bad guys." This gem is from a fellow at the University of California. I'm not sure if he said that because he has a talent for stating the obvious, or if he knows something we don't. For example, does he mean some of the good people at the university occasionally take a body part and sell it for walking around money?

Some professor and his wife are sitting around their house in Irvine and the wife says "Honey, I don't think we have enough money to pay all the bills this month." The Prof says, "Hey, don't worry, I'll clip a cadaver at work and sell it on the black market just this once, and it'll tide us over. After all, they wanted to donate their bodies to science, and I'm a scientist."

It's so bad at UC they are putting bar codes and transmitters on the cadavers. I guess they have one of those self check out things like at the grocery store. You go up and punch in your university i.d. number. It says "place your cadaver on the platform". You do. It says "scan your cadaver". You fumble around trying to find where they put the bar code, oh no, it's on the rear end, turn this thing over, oops I dropped it, ok here go."

"Put your cadaver on the cart and proceed to the lab." Whew, finally. Wait, the detector at the door is going off. You have to wait while this bored looking gal with a red apron comes over with a hand held and scans the body. Then, finally, you are on your way to work.

"Hey, you forgot your receipt!"