A PLAGUE OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS. If it was not bad enough that France lost its bid for the Olympics, voted against the EU constitution and have sunk into a national malaise watching Lance Armstrong lead the Tour de France, it now suffers a severe drought and a plague of locusts. I'm not kidding: a plague of locusts.

Where are the Dispensationalists when I need them? Are there no French Dispensationalists? Why isn't Hal Lindsey saying this is the end of the world, at least the French world?

The locusts are devouring plant life all over the land of Chirac, eating everything from crops to window-box flowers.

The government gets some blame here, too. "There is nothing we can do for the 700 or 800 farmers affected," said Patrice Lemoux, an agriculture official. "The locust has no known predator and the only insecticides which might make a difference are banned."

America should offer an aid package to France.

Just for fun.