Scientists in Arkansas (who knew!) have discovered how to make fuel from chicken fat. They used to say farmers raised pigs because nothing was wasted except the squeal. Now that may become true for chickens. From the frying pan to the Firebird, chicken is your bird.

PETA may not like this.

PETA would prefer we use human fat. That may not be a bad idea in America, given all the publicity about the obesity epidemic. Oh wait, I dropped my Oreo. Anyway, the energy companies could hire plastic surgeons who would perform liposuctions on obese people for free, then convert the fat into fuel for cars. America would get skinny and so would the Middle East.

Skinny countries would have to continue relying on chicken fat.

But then, bird flu might really be a problem. It would not only cut down on the fried chicken, but on automobile fuel. Here is a question I have: when birds get bird flu, do they run a temperature and get a runny nose, or beak? How do you know when a bird has the flu? Do they call in sick to work? Hello, I won’t be at the coop today. I think I got the flu.

Really, I think it is a form of cruel species profiling. It is just wrong to assume that, just because you are a bird, you are more likely to have bird flu. And anyway, that’s Avian Flu to you buddy. I mean, I heard they were stopping Avians at the airport just because they were birds. I’m calling Al Franken.