There must be something in the water this Christmas. The news sounds like a cheesy movie that you would only see on Saturday afternoon high up on the cable dial. Donald Trump is giving Miss Something a second chance after she appeared to lose her crown for drinking and taking drugs. Now Miss Nevada wants another chance after having naughty pictures of herself posted on the Internet. Somewhere I missed that part that looking good in a bikini meant you had stellar morals. But The Donald epitomizes the American love of second chances, so its off to rehab for all. Rehab is great. You go someplace nice and let the heat die down, then come back and claim to be a new person, except that Downey guy that kept getting arrested. Maybe Britney needs rehab. If she went away for a few months, maybe people would forget about the lack of underwear and baby juggling. She really shouldn't stand next to Paris Hilton, though. It makes her look really fat.

Meanwhile, in Britain the queen is on a quest to knight all the old rock stars around. Maybe she is afraid the next generation won't have the same talent. Bono is now Sir Bono, I guess, and joins Elton John and Paul McCartney as knights of the round table. Meanwhile, some guy is running around killing prostitutes. I don't think he'll get knighted, and probably can't even sing.

In Iran, the Mad Man at the top is losing political support at home, but continues to spew threats and radical Shiite Muslim dogma at the U.S. and most of the world. A court in America has held Iran responsible for an attack that killed Americans and the U.N. Security Council actually managed to act, imposing sanctions with even the support of Russia and China, who usually vote no when the U.S. votes yes just because they can.

I'm thinking President Bush sent Rick Warren to Russia and China on a diplomatic mission, since he did so well in Syria. We'll never know unless pictures surface on the Web showing Warren walking around China with guys in those green suits talking about how Christians are safe and free to worship. That's why we put them in these special buildings with bars on the windows, so know one can get in and hurt them.

Just in time for Christmas feasting, folks in the Northeast are recovering from E Coli poisoning at the taco joints. The culprit seems to be vegetables from California, just like the last time. I know they like things natural in California, but someone tell them to quit pooping in the food.

Maybe that's what's in the water.