China does not want the government to recognize or meet with the Dalai Lama when he comes to Washington. Maybe they will make a movie: Mr. Lama Goes to Washington.

The Chinese say The Dalai is in effect a terrorist, advocating violence to divide the motherland, meaning China. Of course they do not mention that Tibet was not part of the motherland until they invaded it and forced it to come to mama.

Plus, Mr. Lama is a Buddist and advocates peace. Think of Richard Gere without hair and with glasses. He just wants them communists to leave Tibet alone and let them follow him in Tibetan Buddism, wherever it may lead them.

What China should say is, quit talking to the Lama guy or we'll quit buying your bonds and dump the ones we have left on the market at a loss, you stupid spend thrifts. And we'll use those technology secrets Bill Clinton gave us to put a monkey wrench in your capitalistic gears. And we'll hack into your computers. Oh wait, we're already doing that so never mind. But quit talking to him. And no fancy dinners or tours of the White House, or playing basketball with the president. No sneaking out for a smoke with him, either, we see you out there from the satellite you know.

But that is a problem, because Mr. Lama and Mr. Obama are Nobel buddies. They have both gotten the big award, though neither has really accomplished any peace. The Lama has mostly spent his life wandering around whining about Tibet and nothing has happened. Obama just invaded Libya for no good reason. Not very peaceful, that.

Nonetheless, I hear Obama is giving Lama a lot of good stuff. First, there is the 3 volume set of books by Jimmy Carter entitled Everything I Said Is Wrong About America While Visiting Foreign Countries That Suck.

Second, there is the framed stock certificate in General Motors before the bankruptcy. It has no monetary value, but historic significance.

Third, there is the CD entitled All The Smart Things Joe Biden Has Said. It only takes a minute to listen to.

Fourth, Obama had T shirts made with their pictures on the front and on the back it says "We won the Nobel Prize and you didn't".

Fifth, there will be a guided tour of Michelle Obama's closets. It takes much longer than it takes to listen to the CD.

Sixth was actually canceled. They were going to offer him a job but there were none.

Seventh was changed at the last minute. They were going to give him a free ride on the train that the stimulus money built, going from Los Angeles to Harry Reid's place in Las Vegas, but it has not been built yet. So, instead, they are giving him a ride on a government plane when Nancy Pelosi takes her next trip.

Eighth, this one was actually declined by the Dalai. They offered him dinner with Mitt Romney, but he said Mormonism was just too weird.

Ninth, they will restore all the emails British journalists deleted from his account. This is in return for helping the British attack Libya.

Tenth and last, an introduction to all the Buddist nuns that raised money for Al Gore and Bill Clinton.