COMEDIANS 'TIL THE END. Jennifer Anniston and Danny DeVito are going to Palestine on a peace mission. This is the funniest thing since Wesley Clark started criticizing the war in Iraq. One person noted that most Palestinians did not have TV or see movies and would not even know who these folks are. Plus, what would Jennifer say? I've made a lot of money playing ditzy, slightly promiscuous blondes, and am also known to have married a real hunk. So listen to me, make peace! And the Palestinians, wearing hoods and scarves and carrying automatic rifles, say, Why oh why didn't we think of that? It took a cute blonde from Hollywood to lead us. Jennifer for Prime Minister!

Sorry, gotta go. I spit coffee on myself laughing. I can't even write anything about Danny DeVito, the image is just too funny.

HERE, I’VE SAID IT AGAIN. The Red Cross says it does not understand why anyone in Iraq would attack them. I do not understand why they do not understand. Let me say this in small words. Saddam and his followers do not want foreigners there helping the country succeed without them. They want it all to fail so they can come back into power. Just because you are the Red Cross or the United Nations, you do not get an exception. Read a full article here.

HIS LIPS ARE MOVING. Lee also reports the latest Clinton lie. Clinton is claiming knowledge of Tony Blair's heart problem. Blair's doctors are surprised, as Blair has never had this problem before. You can't resist the old joke. How do you know Clinton is lying?

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH PART 3. Lee reports that a pilot for EgyptAir put a woman off the plane because she was too fat. That's pretty tough. His excuse was the he was afraid she would need medical attention. That is better than what happened to a lawyer friend of mine who is quite stout. He flew on a small commuter jet once, and they stopped and made him move from the back of the plane to the middle, because they didn't think they could take off with him back there! Oooh, that hurts. (OK, I'm back on my diet.)

WATCH WHAT YOU SAY. Mr. Schiavo's position that his wife wanted to die is based on an offhand remark she made while watching a movie. I've got to watch what I say more carefully! Of course, no sane person could believe that a court would order your death, and $600,000 in attorney fees be spent out of your medical care fund, and your parents barred from your room, and being denied last rites by the STATE, all because you said something during a movie. It wasn't so tragic, it would make the stupid human tricks show. Thanks to Howard Bashman for the tip.

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH-PART 2. Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14. Everyone now seems to think a size 7 is perfect. I guess MM was twice as sexy. But, it may not be how much you have. It may be what you do with it.

WONDER WHAT ELSE HE EXPECTS. In more interesting Alabama legal news, the Alabama Circuit Court, in a conveniently unpublished opinion, has held that an employers use of a catheter to get a urine sample for employee drug testing did not invade the employee's reasonable expectations of privacy. If that's the case, it is one more reason I'm not moving to Alabama. I wonder what they would do if they thought you had gas?

HOW MUCH IS EN0UGH? In Reynolds v. McInnes, 338 F.3d 1201, the court notes that this discrimination suit, and the resulting enforcement of the consent decree has been pretty expensive for the citizens of Alabama. The case has been going on for 18 years. $50 million has been spent on attorney fees from the public funds. $62.5 million has been spent on experts. That brings the total litigation cost to about $112 million dollars, which continues to cost the state $500,000 per month. That is not all. In resisting the consent decree, the state has paid $13 million in contempt fines, and continues at about $250,000 per month. So, that makes it $125 million dollars in funds from the Alabama taxpayers. On top of all that (yes! there is more!), the state has already paid $56.8 million into a settlement fund. The grand total is $222 million dollars. Wow.

The governor of Alabama has been considering a massive tax increase. Here is my suggestion. Abide by the consent decree and end the case. You immediately save $1.5 million per month.

FIRED UP. Go here to see a great picture of the San Diego sky looking as if it is on fire. Thanks to Citizen Smash.

CONTEMPLATING CHRIST. C. H. Spurgeon: Oh, there is, in contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound.After dealing all night and morning with a band director from another town who tried to have our band disqualified from their first trip to state in school history, I need to spend the lunch hour contemplating Christ to restore my equilibrium. It is hard to believe an adult would want to inflict such grief on 230 kids. May God have mercy on his soul.

PATHETICALLY OBVIOUS. Hamas now wants to talk peace. Could this have anything to do with the loss of several leaders and the destruction of their property by the Israelis? It is their standard ploy, made famous by the old fox Arafat. Plead for peace when you're getting killed and break the agreement the minute the Israelis let up. I don't know which is more annoying, that they do this, or that they get away with it.

ANOTHER BUSH TRIUMPH. International sources have pledged over $33 billion to the rebuilding of Iraq. This is far more than expected. It puts a real crimp in the complaints of the dems. It also further illumines the falsity of dem claims that the Bush administration lacks foreign policy finess.

DR. DEATH II. "I also believe that there may be extreme situations, and in the future increasingly common situations, where physician-assisted suicides may not only be permissible, but encouraged." Dr. Ronald Cranford, University of Minnesota Bioethics Department.

Compare Pope John Paul II: "the omission of nutrition and hydration intended to cause a patient's death must be rejected".

Have we moved from the right to die to the duty to die?

SPOTTED. I am blaming any bad thinking today on sunspots. There is a massive storm on the sun, the size of jupiter, and it is sending scientific sounding stuff our way today. Scientists say it may break up cell phone communications or satellite signals. It may also cause dispensationalists to believe it is a sign of the end or at least of the rapture which is the beginning of their end. It may cause people to think they were right about Y2K, but it was just delayed. And, if anyone calls you and you don't want to talk, just make hissing noises and say "I'm sorry the sunspot is interrupting your call". What? You're breaking up.

SHARP GUY THAT BEN. Ben Shapiro is a sharp, very young man. His column on the Schiavo matter and death in general is insightful. His point is that liberals value death more than life, and their policies are driven by the ideal. Read it here.

COULTERISM. "Liberals hate America, they hate flag-wavers, they hate abortion-opponents, they hate all religions except Islam, post 9/11. Even Islamic terrorists don’t hate America like Liberals do. They don’t have the energy. If they had that much energy, they’d have indoor plumbing by now."

And you thought I was blunt.

LOOKING OUT FOR NUMBER ONE. The Senate voted itself a pay raise. It is ironic, given the carping by democratic members about the tax rebate. They do not want you to have a $600 raise, but they want a $3,400 raise. They really do believe they know how to spend your money better than you do. Thank you President Bush for thinking of the rest of us.

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO. Fox News is reporting that Terri Schiavo's "husband" is preventing her parents for seeing her. I guess we shouldn't be surprised at this, after everything else he has done. These poor people have suffered too much.

SHOCKING NEWS. France and Germany say they will not give any more support to the rebuilding of Iraq. U. S. officials reacted in shock and awe. One senior administration official said "After all we have meant to each other I do not see how they could do this." Germany said it cannot afford it. France is thinking of surrendering to Iraq. The State Department blamed it on the Pentagon. North Korea has threatened the destruction of both Germany and France as a lesson to all imperial aggressors of the glorious socialist republic of starvation and delusion. The President of Malaysia says it is the fault of the Jews, as everyone knows but will not admit. Roger Williams University issued a statement that this is what happens when young Republicans begin spewing forth invective and discourse on political events without inclusion and diversity and generally sucking up to Europeans who obviously know more than we. The Fort Worth Star Telegram will include a wire service report in a couple of days.

A FOOL FOR A CLIENT. Even John Muhammad does not want to represent himself. Interviewed by Sniper Times, Muhammad said " There are some things even I won't do. Representing a sniper is one of them." The Judge has reapointed his defense attorneys and informed the jury of the change. Also according to Sniper Times, one defense attorney said "Muhammad really shot himself in the foot."

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Ben Domenech blogs that Terry Schiavo was not allowed last rites by the authorities, since the judge ordered that nothing be placed in her mouth. Since she and her family is Catholic, this was the ultimate blow. Thank God the governor has intervened. The conduct of this judge is unconscionable and her husband's conduct is whatever is worse.

MILLIONS AND MILLIONS. One in every two thousand Americans is a millionaire. I feel like cannon fodder.

DE-NUKING IRAN. Iran has decided to stop enriching uranium and start allowing full inspections. The European Union takes full credit. "We stomped our feet, and crossed our arms, and looked really mad" one diplomat asserted. Several low level representatives were seen to pout persuasively. Two frenchmen offered to surrender to the Iranians before being told they were not under attack. "No, said the German diplomat, we do not think the U. S. war in Iraq was a factor. War is never as effective as a good power lunch. Even in those in third world countries, civilized discourse almost always lead to the resolution of conflict. We expect diversity to break out in Iran at any moment."

Oops, I left out a line. For a full report with much more polite language, check out Joshua Claybourn's blog.

BRAVE OR STUPID?Presidential contender Joe Lieberman gave a speech at a conference of the Arab American Institute. What was he thinking? He was booed, hissed, and reviled. Maybe these Arabs went to school at Roger Williams University. They seem to have a problem with diversity of opinions also. And, Nazis don't like Jews as I remember.

IT'S A GOOD DAY TO LIVE.Good news today if you value life. The Florida senate approved a law authorizing Governor Jeb Bush to order the reinstallation of the feeding tube of Terri Schiavo. Governor Bush did so immediately and it has been done. Legal challenges await, but for now, the State is not starving this young woman to death.

Further good news is that the U.S. Senate passed a ban on partial birth abortions and is sending it to our pro life president who will sign it. Today the barbarians have been beaten back from the gate.

NOT YOUR CHURCH'S SHEPARD. Judy Shepard, mother of slain homosexual Matthew Shepard, is speaking against churches at speeches she gives at college campuses. She says"Churches are damaging us as a society." This is because they do not support the homosexual agenda.

Even more extreme, she gave this speech at Roger Williams University at an event freshmen were required to attend. When the campus Republican Club opposed, the University took away the club's funding and closed their award winning newspaper. You can read a first hand account here.

College campuses have become entrenched in leftist ideals. As more young adults wake up to conservatism, they feel threatened and have reacted with all the force and opposition of Nazi Germany. Free speech is not allowed. Freedom of assembly is removed. Freedom of the press is squelched, all while the university president mouths platitudes of diversity. He does not want diversity and should be honest enough to admit it. What he wants is lock step conformity with leftist ideals, and what he is willing to do to get it is use the jack boot of authority to stomp the opposition.

CELEBRITY LAW.Cases involving celebrities, or high profile events, create havoc in the justice system. Judges preen, lawyers prance, defedants pose, it all becomes a mess. The judge in the Kobe Bryant case is the latest example. Although he bound Bryant over for trial after the preliminary hearing, he took the occasion in his ruling to dump on the prosecution's case. Normally a judge rules without comment on such a matter. So why do it now? Just to be on the talk shows? If so, it worked. The morning shows were full of shots of the judge taking the bench. Is it for a future book deal, the "I told you so" book? Bad judge, bad judge.

Then you have the box cutter guy. He was on the news today also. I caught Diane Sawyer stumping for the guy. She needs a law license, she was working so hard to defend him. She castigated a federal official saying should they prosecute him for an act that was obviously "just civil disobedience". Just civil disobedience, Diane? Do we need a dictionary? Civil disobedience means breaking the law to make a point, usually a moral one. When you break the law, you get prosecuted. That is kind of the point of prosecution. And the point of civil disobedience is that you say you are willing to suffer the consequences because of your moral beliefs. This is what Operation Rescue does. The get prosecuted for trespassing at abortion clinics, trying to stop abortions. Then, the docs got a law passed that made gathering at an abortion clinic a crime. (This by the way is the golden rule. Those with the gold rule.) But, the resuce folks feel that abortion violates the moral law, so the break the law to protest it. It would be hard to imagine old Di defending them on national t.v. So, somebody get the poor girl a dictionary, maybe a copy of the Thoreau essay, and bring her up to speed. It is painful to watch her embarass herself. I'll make it a point not to do that in the future.

DEATH WATCH.For an excellent article on Terry Schiavo, killing the disabled, and related topics, go here.

POLLS REDUX.After my own rant about polls, I enjoyed seeing Armstrong Williams write about them. He makes a good point. Most pollsters use the telephone. So, they do not account for busy people who are not at home in the early evening, or those of us who do not answer the telephone. I would still like to see every poll come with a warning label that tells who paid for the poll and who conducted it.

Diana West has a good column on the condundrum faced by the presidential contenders. They criticize the President, the war, and the rebuilding effort, but have no better options.

Wesley Clark, that paragon of contradiction, complains about the war, then admits that the world is better off with Hussein out of power. Prettys soon Clark will have to adopt that old saying "if I said that I misquoted myself".

MORE FOOD NEWS.Terry Schiavo has now been without food for three full days. The difference between her and David Blaine are that she does not get to choose when she will come out of her box. Blaine also got water from a tube while in the box. Schiavo's tube has been removed. Pam Anderson is worried about chickens.

Somehow Blogger has put the older posts that are still up in bold type. Sorry if that is bothersome. I don't know how to fix it.

FROM TOP TO BOTTOM.Here is an interesting statistic. National polls show Wesley Clark running at the top of the field. But, polls in Iowa and New Hampshire, the first primaries, show him at the bottom. It is hard not to be cynical, but it is becoming harder and harder to believe in polls. You have to know who did the poll and who they talked to before you can really decide if they mean anything. Like most everything else in American media, the results are often manipulated. They way t.v. is going at the moment, they will probably show John Ritter running ahead of the pack.

FOOD NEWS.David Blaine, magician, has ended his 40 plus days in a box with no food. This was not for some cause, but to make money and publicity. It did reveal interesting things about the British. Women ran naked under the box for him to see, and took off their shirts. I guess there is something sexy about fasting. Or maybe there is something sexy about knowing he is projected to make $5 million off the deal by writing a book and other things. Others cooked food and threw eggs at the box. What is the British term for trailer trash?

Also in food news, that paragon of moral virtue, Pamela Sue Anderson, is protesting the treatment of chickens by KFC. I think that means other than eating them. Some people think she has these chickens confused with the Dixie Chicks, who appeared naked for animal rights. PETA seems to have some connection t ditsy blondes in show business. Hopefully, they are kind to them. But, Pamela knows a lot about animals. She was married to Tommy Lee.

INTERVIEW BY A VAMPIRE. T.V. people are such vampires. It wasn't enough that John Ritter appeared on television while alive. Now they have to make money on this death as well. Not only did they do retrospectives of his life, now Diane Sawyer is doing an interview of his widow. They are sucking his blood dry. Remember that Don Henley song "get the widow on the set"? It really is true. They will do anything for ratings.

DEATH SENTENCE. Judge George Greer has sentenced Terri Schiavo to die. Her crime is suffering a severe brain injury and having a husband who wants her to die. The sentence is death by starvation. The Judge has ordered Terri's feeding tube removed at the request of her husband.

Terri's husband has been living with another woman for years and has a child by her. He wants his wife dead. Her parents and siblings want her alive. The parents and siblings have volunteered to take charge of Terri's care.

Terri is not a ward of the state. A fund from a lawsuit pays for her care, minus the $600,000 her husband has spent on attorney fees trying to have her killed.

Who gets the money in the fund when Terri dies? Why doesn't the husband just get a divorce?

It might take Terri a week or even two to starve to death or dehydrate.

The parents have asked the Governor to intervene.

Why do we need to kill her? If she has funds to be cared for, and people who will care for her, doctors who say she isn't vegetative, why can't she live? Who does it hurt? Why does her husband get to say she must die? Where are the women's rights groups on this?

Does this trouble you at all?

LOOKING UP. Things are looking up for the President. The Security Council voted unamimously to support the U. S. resolution. The Axis Of Opposition, France-Germany-Russia, probably will not help us any, but they did not oppose us in the Council, and that is good. Add this to the rise in the economy, and things are shaping up nicely for the incumbant.

LEFT REALLY BEHIND. Last night I was at church hearing a talk called "Has Left Behind Left You Behind?". That was ironic, for both speakers said they never read the Left Behind books. So, I guess this was just the love of catchy titles.

The speakers were my pastor, Michael Dean, and Craig Blaising from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Dr. Blaising is, and has written a book on, Progressive Dispensationalism. Does that sound like an oxymoron or what?

I went by Lifeway bookstore to get the book after church, and they were sold out. How could that be? How many people out there are interested in this topic, or know what it means? Maybe the Historical Dispensationalists are up in arms and bought the book in a moment of hysteria? Anyway, despite the humor, I am interested and will try to find the book somewhere else.

HEY BIG SPENDER. Despite all the liberal carping, the United States is far and away the biggest spender on health care. Uncle Sam spends $4,887 per person per year. This is double what most industrial countries spend. It is almost 14 % of the GDP. That is huge.

Practical experience will tell you the same, if you bother to look. The fact is, anyone in distress can walk into any hospital in America and be treated and never pay a dime. People come to Fort Worth hospitals from out of town, out of state, and out of country, and receive free medical care. Women drive up from Mexico City and check into Harris Hospital for free pregnancy care.

Ironically, if you have insurance, you must make arrangements to pay any balance and can really get rigorous treatment.

If you want to know why health care is expensive, that is where you can look. I'll wager that almost half of all patients do not pay, making it more expensive for those of us who do. Socialism is here.

In contrast to Dr. Colglazier, the 1689 London Confession of Baptist Faith says "The Holy Scripture is the only sufficient, certain and infallible rule of all saving knowledge, faith, and obedience.

The authority of the Holy Scripture, for which it ought to be believed, dependeth not upon the testimony of any man or church, but wholly upon God (who is truth itself), the author thereof; therefore it is to be received because it is the Word of God.

I like those old Baptists.

HERETIC. Just as we have been watching the conservative Episcopalians meet in Dallas to stand for the faith, an issue has popped up right here in Fort Worth. Dr. R. Scott Colglazier is a pastor of an upscale church here in Cowtown known as University Christian Church, part of the tiny Disciples of Christ denomination. If you say UCC in Fort Worth, everyone knows that means the church on the edge of the TCU campus attended by lots of politicos, lawyers, and other well off folks.

Dr. Colglazier now has a column in the Saturday Star Telegram in the religious section. One of his latest columns rather condescendingly bashes the new Mel Gibson movie. His first criticism is that the movie "slavishly" follows the Gospels. Now, in Southern Baptist circles, that is the only way you could make the movie and avoid controversy. It would be a compliment. But, you see, Dr. C did not mean it as a compliment, because Dr. C doesn't believe in the reliability of the Gospels.

It is shame that week after week, people will open the Startlegram and read a column by this guy. Those who are ignorant of theological matters may well write off Christianity when the read a preacher who says the Gospels aren't reliable. Those who are weak in faith will stumble.

Jesus said if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck.

Dr. Colglazier went on to call Mel Gibson a "fundamentalist Catholic". Doesn't that drip with liberal, intellectual snobbery and condescension? I don't think I've ever heard a Catholic called a fundamentalist before. I guess anyone who believes in the Bible is a fundamentalist to a liberal theologian. But, if Mel is a fundamentalist because he believes in the Bible, what does that make Scott who does not believe in the Bible? A heretic?

GLOBALIZATION IS HERE. The case of Orloff v. Saipem, Inc., in the Southern District of Texas, involves a Texas subsidiary of an Italian corporation sued by a worker from Louisiana arising out of work on an oil rig in Saudi Arabia.

BIRTHDAY STUFF. My birthday is right around the corner. Like tomorrow. So, I have been receiving many age jokes and comments. Here are Mike's contributions.

You know there are three signs that you are getting old: (1) you lose your memory (2) uh, I cannot remember the other two.

You know you are getting old when:

The old lady you help across the street is your wife.

You see a pretty girl walk by and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You sit down in a rocker and you need help getting it started.

You'll be glad to know that the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, always on the cutting edge, has held that eating is a major life activity. (See Fraser v. Goodale) I feel better about myself already.

HEROIC EPISCOPALIANS. I am grateful to the conservative Episcopalians meeting in Plano this wee. They not only represent their denomination, but all Christians who believe in the Bible, the church, and the faith. They are fighting to preserve orthodox belief, fighting secularization of the church, and standing up for Jesus. We will all fight these fights in church in America, because of the great movement toward secularization of society and liberalization of the church. Fight the good fight. My prayers are with you.

TOTAL RECALL. Despite last minute dire predictions and an obstructionist democrat smear campaign, the voters both recalled Mr. Davis and elected the Republican immigrant. It is somewhat of a shame that Mr. Davis had to take the fall for the failure of California government. Although he bears responsibility, the legislature does also. The new governor will have to deal with the same old problems of the ineffective legislature. If it were Japan, the might all fall on their swords. In America they tend to "hunker down" and see if they can ride it out.

Walid Phares points out here that the suicide bombing of the restaurant in Haifa was not only an attack against Jews, but also against Christians. The owner of the restuarant was a Lebanese Christian, part of the large group that fled Lebanon during the Syrian occupation and the persecution that followed.

CELEBRATE THE COWBOYS. Since the Cowboys now lead their division, and since wins have been few and far between the last several seasons, I have decided that Dallas fans need to celebrate before anything changes. So, expect to see riots in the streets, cars burning, stores looted. OK, we don't really do that here. We'll just look at each other and say "heh".

CITIZEN INVOLVEMENT. It is a big day for citizen involvement. First, the California recall is on. The is pure democracy in action. Normally, in a republican form of government, you are stuck with your representatives for set terms. But, in California, if you do not like the governor, you can recall him by popular vote, at least after getting enough signatures on a petition. Liberals, of course, tried to stop the vote, as democracy scares them.

Second, Conservative Episcopalians meet in nearby Plano to discuss their future in their church. About 2600 folks are meeting today. Expect them to send a message to the big meeting later this month to the effect that they will not stay in the church while it violates Biblical principles.

Third, the Fort Worth city council, our local version of the blind leading the blind, is voting tonight on whether to stop police respone to burglar alarms on homes. The proposal is that they would not respond unless their is an eye witness to the burglary. I can hear the 911 call now. "Please come quickly, someone is breaking down my bedroom door!" "Well, ma'am, can anyone verify that? Can anyone see them?" "No, I'm hiding under the bed." "Sorry, can't help you." Our mayor opposes the idea and has had electronic calls made to register opposition. If this passes, I'm going to need more bullets.

BLACK DEATH AWARDS. I stumbled on a great article in GreenWatchHighlights. I don't think it was reported anywhere else.. Paul Driessen wrote the article reporting on the "Green Power-Black Death Awards" at the recent World Trade Organization meeting in Cancun. These awards were made to point out how the environmental activism of many liberal organizations hurts Third World countries.

First place went to Greenpeace "for leading million dollar coampaigns against energy, pesticides, biotechnology, trade and economic development that could improve or save millions of lives".

The European Union also got an award. A satirical substitute for the EU representative said "I want to thank our African, Asian and Latin American colonies for allowing us to bully them into submission - and letting us live in splendor, while they live in squalor." You might remember that the EU blocks the sale of genetically engineered food produced in the U.S., although it would greatly help feed starving millions in Africa. But, who cares if people die as long as Europe wins one over America?

It is a shame that Africa is often the battle ground for conflicts between the U. S. and France and its toadies, the E.U., while people starve, die of malaria, or get killed, while these larger powers deny them the very things that made us succeed, such as pesticides, food, drugs, and clean water.

THE NEW NEHEMIAH. At the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation Summit, Thailand will use mice to test the food for poison before serving it to the 21 leaders, including our president, who will attend. I guess Nehemiah wasn't available. Mice have become the new cup bearers to the king. Look for PETA to protest. I'm sure they would prefer that humans be used.

WORD UP. “If at any time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be uprooted, torn down and destroyed, and if that nation I warned repents of its evil, then I will relent and not inflict on it the disaster I had planned. And if at another time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be built up and planted, and if it does evil in my sight and does not obey me, then I will reconsider the good I had intended to do for it.” Jeremiah 18:7-10.

It's amazing how fast the house can empty. The Little Woman woke up saying "oh no, Irene's party is at 9:30", jumped up, dressed, and was gone. Then The Baby left for band contest. One minute I was asleep, the next walking around in an empty house. This is the sign of things to come.

Good post here on the debate in France over America. Their political leaders seem frustrated that France does not command the international force that America does, but does not want to pay the price to command it.