I saw an ad for the world's largest women's conference and I wondered, is there a minimum size to get in?

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.The detective conducting the interview looked at the three and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect facts. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and
withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but .. " He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

WE'RE FROM THE GOVERNMENT AND WE'RE HERE TO HELP YOU

I get lots of information from the government. Much of it is incomprehensible. You English majors will like the one I received this week:

Interim final rule.

I guess we'll have to wait for the final final rule, which will come out after the almost final rule.

AL GORE, ALIEN

Here's some Aviation History everyone should probably know:

You may remember that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claim an unidentified
object with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep- cattle ranch just
outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well known incident that many
say... has been profusely covered up by the Air Force and the US
government.

However....... what you may NOT well know is that on March 31,
1948, exactly nine months after that historic day, Al Gore was born.

That piece of information now has cleared up a lot of things.

You're not a kid anymore WHEN...

You enjoy watching the News.
The phone rings and you hope it's not for you.
The only reason! you're still awake at 4am is indigestion.
People ask what color your hair USED to be.
You're proud of your lawnmower.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age AND isn't breaking
any
laws.
You start singing along with the elevator music.
You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.
Your car has four doors.
You routinely check the oil in your car.
You've owned clothes so long that they've come back into style--TWICE.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
8 AM is your idea of "sleeping in".
You write Thank You notes without being told.
Neighbors borrow your tools.
Others ask for your recipes.
You start Christmas shopping in August.
You don't like to drive after dark.
You say the words "Do they think thats Music?"
You point out what buildings used to be where.
You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.
You rake the yard without being told to.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch
television.
You can live without sex, but not without your glasses!

MORE ON FRANK PAGE'S DISSERTATION

I'm just thinking out loud here. Frank Page, the new president of the SBC, has disavowed his doctoral dissertation. He said the theology of it was wrong. But, Page was awarded his Ph.D. based on it. If it was manifestly and theologically wrong, should he forfeit the doctorate based on it? It seems a little weird that you could be awarded a doctorate on the basis of bad theology, but still be called doctor.

Prestonwood Baptist Church has a food court.

I wonder if they have money changers?