COMEDIANS 'TIL THE END. Jennifer Anniston and Danny DeVito are going to Palestine on a peace mission. This is the funniest thing since Wesley Clark started criticizing the war in Iraq. One person noted that most Palestinians did not have TV or see movies and would not even know who these folks are. Plus, what would Jennifer say? I've made a lot of money playing ditzy, slightly promiscuous blondes, and am also known to have married a real hunk. So listen to me, make peace! And the Palestinians, wearing hoods and scarves and carrying automatic rifles, say, Why oh why didn't we think of that? It took a cute blonde from Hollywood to lead us. Jennifer for Prime Minister!

Sorry, gotta go. I spit coffee on myself laughing. I can't even write anything about Danny DeVito, the image is just too funny.

HERE, I’VE SAID IT AGAIN. The Red Cross says it does not understand why anyone in Iraq would attack them. I do not understand why they do not understand. Let me say this in small words. Saddam and his followers do not want foreigners there helping the country succeed without them. They want it all to fail so they can come back into power. Just because you are the Red Cross or the United Nations, you do not get an exception. Read a full article here.

HIS LIPS ARE MOVING. Lee also reports the latest Clinton lie. Clinton is claiming knowledge of Tony Blair's heart problem. Blair's doctors are surprised, as Blair has never had this problem before. You can't resist the old joke. How do you know Clinton is lying?

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH PART 3. Lee reports that a pilot for EgyptAir put a woman off the plane because she was too fat. That's pretty tough. His excuse was the he was afraid she would need medical attention. That is better than what happened to a lawyer friend of mine who is quite stout. He flew on a small commuter jet once, and they stopped and made him move from the back of the plane to the middle, because they didn't think they could take off with him back there! Oooh, that hurts. (OK, I'm back on my diet.)

WATCH WHAT YOU SAY. Mr. Schiavo's position that his wife wanted to die is based on an offhand remark she made while watching a movie. I've got to watch what I say more carefully! Of course, no sane person could believe that a court would order your death, and $600,000 in attorney fees be spent out of your medical care fund, and your parents barred from your room, and being denied last rites by the STATE, all because you said something during a movie. It wasn't so tragic, it would make the stupid human tricks show. Thanks to Howard Bashman for the tip.

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH-PART 2. Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14. Everyone now seems to think a size 7 is perfect. I guess MM was twice as sexy. But, it may not be how much you have. It may be what you do with it.

WONDER WHAT ELSE HE EXPECTS. In more interesting Alabama legal news, the Alabama Circuit Court, in a conveniently unpublished opinion, has held that an employers use of a catheter to get a urine sample for employee drug testing did not invade the employee's reasonable expectations of privacy. If that's the case, it is one more reason I'm not moving to Alabama. I wonder what they would do if they thought you had gas?