Friday, July 25, 2008

VOTE MCCAIN, PUT ME ON THE SUPREME COURT

It was nice to see my name at the top of McCain's list of potential nominees for the Supreme Court (really, go look, it says "Larry Thompson" bigger 'n Dallas). So, I was thinking, what if Obama is really not the Antichrist and McCain has a chance to win and, therefore, nominate me for the Supremes. What if I could take my wife so she could kick me under the table while Senator Kennedy asked me questions and I mimicked him in my answers so that my smart mouth did not keep me from getting voted it?

So, here are the best things about me being on the Supreme Court.

1. Having Harvard and Yale graduate law clerks go get me coffee.
2. Calling up congressmen and saying "you know that's never gonna fly over here" when they propose legislation.
3. Knowing you can't be fired no matter how smart your mouth is. I mean, look at Scalia.
4. Having my picture taken with Ruth Ginsberg and a caption on the bottom saying "some of my best friends are Jewish".
5. Getting Clarence Thomas to explain what Natural Law is to me. I thought it was about nudity, but evidently that's not right.
6. Getting a pair of those half glasses that you perch way down on your nose and looking over them at nervous lawyers and saying "do you mean to tell me..."
7. Letting my kids say "my dad's a Supreme Court Justice, what's your dad do?"
8. Wearing a judicial robe on the subway.
9. Having someone tell me what "oyez oyez oyez" means.
10. Going back to law school reunions and saying "nah nah nah nah nah".
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