Everyone has an issue. Now we have nude bikers. They had their first rally in Tennessee. And, of course, the first thing they had to say was, this isn’t lewd, it’s just natural. Here are a couple of thoughts. First, do you know how hot those seats get? Second, since almost all bikers ride in costume, doesn’t this defeat the whole purpose? I mean, no bandanas, no black leather, no boots, means no biker. Third, ewwww. Fourth, at least it guarantees no one else wants to sit on your bike.

Last night I saw a show about an interesting motorcycle. It was supposed to be the fastest. I can’t remember the name. It had Japanese characters on the faring. It would go 190 mph. They showed this guy hunkered down on a gold one, riding through curves and accelerating down the road. They didn’t show him hitting oil on the road and falling and sliding 17 miles at that speed, being reduced to the cole slaw. They also didn’t show him slamming head first into a truck like one of my friends. So, it looked fun.

I think George Bush should consider getting one. Because, you know, lots of people think he is too conservative and stodgy. (I’m not one of these, by the way.) You know, he opposes gay marriage and wants to limit it to the way it has been done for thousands of years. Also, he wants to go after bad guys around the world. In 2003, this is stodgy. He does not play the saxophone or show up on late night television. He doesn’t have sex with young interns in the hallway or have old girlfriends show up in nasty magazines. But, think of him showing up at some town for a speech on this fancy, gold motorcycle. How could you accuse him of being too conservative? He would roar up at 190 mph in matching leathers and a helmet and deliver a speech. Not nekkid, though. That would be just too much.

The Texas Democrats have dropped to number two on the Hall of Shame list for this week. Number one has been assumed by Donna L. Walker of Topeka, Kansas. Donna called the parents of a young girl who vanished in 1986 and told them she might be their missing daughter. She wasn’t and she knew it. It was a hoax. What would lead a person to such shameful, vile behaviour. The parents, of course, have gone from stunned to devastated. How could you do this to someone? I am trying to think of a punishment for this woman that could possibly be appropriate, and, so far, I can’t.