BACK TO THAT HAITI THING. The only good thing about Haiti is that YOU CAN BLAME IT ON THE FRENCH! Although Christopher Columbs discovered island, they gave it to the French in 1697. The French, utilizing their eternally close ties to Africa, imported zillions of slaves that became the population there.

Independence came in 1804, so this anarchy is really just their Bicentenial celebration. In case you wanted to go, I regret to inform you that the Department of Tourism is closed until further notice.

Here is a reason not to go: the median age there is 17.9 years! No wonder they are in trouble. In a nation smaller than Maryland, they have more than 250,000 people with AIDS. Half the population practices voodoo. Half the population can read. No word on whether it is the same half.

Well, actually, there is one other good thing about Haiti. You can also blame it on Jimmy Carter.

I wonder if he's French?