Tuesday, July 13, 2004

MONDAY, MONDAY. Monday was a day full of meetings, the large organization at work. The first meeting, grandly billed the “corporate cabinet” by the CEO, lasted from 8:00 until 11:30. Unfortunately, it consisted mostly of budget discussions. I say “unfortunately”, because corporate counsel has little to do with the budget. Imagine this, me trying to sit still and not make wise cracks for three and one half hours.

At one point, it got extremely boring. The CEO and the CFO were arguing about some little entry in the financial statement, and what the components were, and did they "drill down" far enough to understand the numbers, and so on. Several side conversations were going on, but I did not want to get drawn into them because it makes the CEO mad.

So, I decided to try Astral Projection.

The first time I did it, I misunderstood and thought they said "Asta" Projection. So, I projected myself into the image of the little terrier in the movie, The Thin Man, with William Powell and Myrna Loy playing the beloved Nick and Nora Charles. It is one of my favorite movies, so it is easy to do. The Little Woman said I like the movie because Nick Charles is a smart aleck.

So, I became this little terrier, following around Myra Loy, a not altogether repulsive occupation. I was just getting to the part where Nick and Nora are reading the papers together about their exploits. Nick said "I was shot twice in the Tribune." Nora said "I read you were shot five times in the tabloids."

"It's not true," said Nick. "He didn't come anywhere near my tabloids."

About that time, someone asked me what I was doing. I explained. They explained that it is not Asta Projection, it is Astral Projection.

Imagine my embarrassment. I wanted to cover my eyes with my paws.

AP is about leaving your physical body and traveling about in your astral body. As with most mystic experiences, you start by relaxing. This is my favorite part. I’m not sure why, but mysticism is evidently at odds with tension and stress, as all mystic techniques I have read about require relaxation.

In fact, one of the teachers of astral projection says that the physical body sleeps while you are gone in your astral body.

This is good news and bad news.

It is bad news, because it means that your physical body is not covering for you while you are out cavorting in your astral body. For example, while you are out there looking at the rings of Saturn, your physical body could be listening attentively to the budget presentation and appearing to be mesmerized by the power point presentation.

Of course, wives would catch on if you did it at home. Can’t you hear it? Are you listening to me, or are you off projecting again? You better get your astral body back here this instant.

The good news is, the physical body cannot do dorky things while you are traveling and get you in trouble. For example, you come back from an astral journey to visit your third grade teacher, who has left the earth plane, and hit her back for rapping your knuckles for talking in class. Then you find out your physical body takes up streaking in the police station.

The bad news is, not everyone appreciates your astral body sleeping in meetings.


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